Oh this? It’s just me hangin’ out at a 7/11 on the OSU campus in Columbus with my buddy, UFC welterweight champion Matt Serra. Pretty average Saturday night, really.

Alright, let me explain. You want the long version? Good.

The hierarchy of hatred in Columbus, Ohio, seems to go like this:

1) The University of Michigan, particularly its football team and its mascot, the wolverine.
2) New Yorkers.
3) All other non-Ohio residents.

As a U of Michigan grad who’s lived in New York for the last 5+ years, I could feel their eyes as soon as I stopped into Tommy’s Pizza to take a piss. It wasn’t paranoia; they knew. I got a sense of what it must feel like for a Crip to walk through a Blood neighborhood. That’s both an apt metaphor and a totally lazy one, as most people on the Ohio State campus — where I booked my hotel, mainly out of curiosity — were flying Blood-like colors yesterday. Literally everyone under the age of 25 and over the age of 50 was decked out in Ohio State sweatshirts, jackets, hats, whatever. It turns out that the Ohio State Wrestling Championships were that weekend — fitting, since former OSU wrestling champ Mark Coleman was going to be inducted in the UFC’s Hall of Fame that night — and the sporting types of Columbus were showing their support. So here I come into Tommy’s with my black pea-coat and reptilian loafers (already I was thinking afterparty), and my big Jew nose, reeking of Ann Arbor pheromones. Forks hits plates, a record scratched.

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